A Weekly Mental Health Check-In You’ll Actually Do
A simple 10-minute weekly check-in covering sleep, mood, energy, connection and stress, plus what to do with what you notice.
How to Support Someone Who Is Struggling With Their Mental Health
What to say and not say, how to listen well, how to ask about suicide directly, and how to look after yourself while helping.
By Mara Ellison··3 min read
Photo: Joshua Koblin on Unsplash
The short version
- Listening without fixing is often the most helpful thing.
- Asking directly about suicide does not plant the idea; it opens the door.
- Help them connect with professional support and take care of yourself.
When someone you love is struggling, it’s natural to want to fix it. Often, the most helpful thing is simpler: being there.
What to say
- “I’ve noticed you seem down lately. How are you really doing?”
- “That sounds really hard.”
- “Thank you for telling me.”
- “I’m here. You don’t have to go through this alone.”
- “What would be helpful right now?”
What to avoid
- “Just think positive.”
- “Others have it worse.”
- “You’ll get over it.”
- Jumping straight to advice
- Taking over their decisions
Listen well
- Give full attention, phone away.
- Reflect back what you hear.
- Validate feelings even if you don’t agree with every thought. See validation vs. reassurance.
- Tolerate silence.
Ask directly about suicide
If you’re worried, ask: “Are you thinking about suicide?” Research indicates asking directly does not increase risk, and it can bring relief.
If they say yes, stay with them, remove access to lethal means if you can, and call or text 988 together. If there is immediate danger, call 911.
Help them find support
Offer to help search for a therapist, sit with them while they call, or drive them to an appointment. See how to find a therapist.
Look after yourself
Supporting someone is draining. Keep your own support, set limits, and remember you’re not responsible for fixing them. See compassion fatigue.
ValidationVSReassurance
Reassurance tries to remove a feeling (“Don’t worry!”). Validation accepts it (“Of course you’re worried”). Validation usually helps more.
See all 8 differencesFixingVSSupporting
When someone shares a struggle, jumping to solutions can feel dismissive. Support starts with understanding.
See all 8 differencesQuestions people ask
What if they don’t want help?
Keep the door open, stay connected and express concern. You can’t force an adult into care unless there’s imminent danger, in which case call 911 or 988.
Written by Mara EllisonWriter behind Therapist Words and author of two self-help books. Not a licensed therapist; content is checked against professional sources. About · Editorial policy
Sources and further reading
This article is for education, not therapy or medical advice. Read our disclaimer. In crisis? Call or text 988.
