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Big Life Transitions: Why Change Feels Hard Even When It’s Good
Moving, new jobs, retirement, becoming a parent, empty nest: why transitions unsettle us and how to move through them.
By Mara Ellison··3 min read
Photo: Jens Lelie on Unsplash
The short version
- Even wanted changes involve loss of the familiar.
- Transitions often have an uncomfortable “in-between” phase.
- Anchors, routines and patience help.
A new job you wanted. A move to a better place. Retirement. A baby. Even good changes can leave you anxious, sad or unmoored.
Why transitions are hard
Writer William Bridges distinguished change (the external event) from transition (the inner process of adjusting). He described three phases:
- Endings: letting go of the old identity, routines and relationships
- The neutral zone: an uncertain in-between time
- New beginnings: a new identity and rhythm
The neutral zone is often the hardest, because the old is gone and the new isn’t settled.
What helps
- Acknowledge losses, even in good changes.
- Keep anchors: familiar routines, rituals, people.
- Be patient with the in-between.
- Take small actions toward the new life.
- Watch for depression or anxiety that doesn’t ease.
Questions people ask
Is it normal to feel depressed after a big move?
Yes, adjustment difficulties are common. If low mood lasts or deepens over weeks, talk to a professional.
Written by Mara EllisonWriter behind Therapist Words and author of two self-help books. Not a licensed therapist; content is checked against professional sources. About · Editorial policy
This article is for education, not therapy or medical advice. Read our disclaimer. In crisis? Call or text 988.
