How to Name Your Feelings (Even When You Just Feel “Bad”)
Why naming emotions precisely helps, how to use a feelings wheel, and a simple daily practice for emotional awareness.
Emotional Regulation: 10 Skills Therapists Teach Most
What emotional regulation really means and ten practical, evidence-informed skills to manage big feelings without suppressing them.
By Mara Ellison··3 min read
Photo: Levi XU on Unsplash
The short version
- Regulation isn’t suppressing feelings; it’s being able to feel them and choose your response.
- Skills fall into three groups: in the body, in the mind and in action.
- Practice while calm so skills are available when emotions run high.
Emotional regulation is the ability to notice, understand and influence your emotions so they don’t run your behavior. It doesn’t mean never getting upset; it means being able to come back.
Body skills
- Slow your exhale. Long exhales activate the body’s calming response. Breathing pacer.
- Change temperature. Cold water on your face can quickly lower intense arousal (a DBT “TIPP” skill).
- Move. Brisk exercise burns off stress energy.
- Ground. 5-4-3-2-1 brings you back to now.
Mind skills
- Name it to tame it. Labeling emotions with precise words can reduce their intensity. Try the feelings wheel.
- Check the facts. Does the intensity fit the situation? (Another DBT skill.)
- Reframe. Look for another explanation. See cognitive distortions.
- Watch the wave. Emotions rise, peak and fall, often within minutes if you don’t feed them.
Action skills
- Opposite action. When an emotion doesn’t fit the facts, act opposite to its urge: approach instead of avoiding, be gentle instead of attacking.
- Reduce vulnerability. Sleep, food, movement and less substance use make emotions easier to manage (the DBT “PLEASE” skills).
Four questions to ask before reacting
- What am I feeling, exactly?
- What does this feeling want me to do?
- Will that help, in the long run?
- What would I do if I were calm?
Try it: Interactive Feelings WheelTap from a core emotion to a precise word, then see what you might need. A printable-quality feelings wheel for adults.
Open Questions people ask
Why is emotional regulation so hard for me?
It can be harder if you didn’t learn it growing up, are under chronic stress, are sleep-deprived, or have experienced trauma or neurodivergence. These skills can be learned at any age.
Written by Mara EllisonWriter behind Therapist Words and author of two self-help books. Not a licensed therapist; content is checked against professional sources. About · Editorial policy
Sources and further reading
This article is for education, not therapy or medical advice. Read our disclaimer. In crisis? Call or text 988.
