Self-Compassion: What It Is, What It Isn’t, and How to Practice
The three parts of self-compassion, why it’s not self-pity or laziness, and simple daily practices.
Why Compliments (and Care) Can Feel Uncomfortable
Why receiving praise, kindness or care can feel harder than giving it, especially after emotional neglect, and how to practice receiving.
By Mara Ellison··3 min read
Photo: Omar Lopez on Unsplash
The short version
- If kindness was rare or conditional, receiving it can feel unsafe or confusing.
- Deflecting compliments protects against disappointment or obligation.
- Receiving is a skill that can be practiced.
Someone says something kind, and you immediately deflect: “Oh, it was nothing.” “Not really.” “You’re just being nice.” Receiving care can feel harder than giving it.
Why receiving feels hard
- Emotional neglect: if your feelings and achievements went unnoticed as a child, being seen can feel exposing.
- Conditional love: if praise came with strings, compliments can feel like debts.
- Shame: praise clashes with an inner belief that you’re not good enough.
- Hyper-independence: needing nothing feels safer.
What deflection protects
Deflecting keeps you from being disappointed later, from feeling indebted, or from the vulnerability of letting someone matter to you.
Practice receiving
- Say only “Thank you.” Resist adding anything else.
- Breathe it in: pause for a few seconds and let it land.
- Write it down in a “kind words” note.
- Let someone help you with something small.
- Notice the discomfort without acting on it.
Read more about childhood emotional neglect.
Questions people ask
Is it rude to deflect compliments?
It isn’t rude, but it can make the giver feel dismissed. A simple “thank you” honors their kindness and practices receiving.
Written by Mara EllisonWriter behind Therapist Words and author of two self-help books. Not a licensed therapist; content is checked against professional sources. About · Editorial policy
This article is for education, not therapy or medical advice. Read our disclaimer. In crisis? Call or text 988.
