Dealing With Difficult Parents as an Adult
How to relate to critical, controlling or emotionally immature parents as an adult, protect your well-being, and decide what kind of relationship you want.
Surviving the Holidays With Family: A Mental Health Plan
A practical plan for Thanksgiving, Christmas and other gatherings: expectations, boundaries, exit plans and recovery time.
By Mara Ellison··3 min read
The short version
- Holidays intensify old family roles and stress.
- Plan in advance: expectations, topics, time limits and support.
- Schedule recovery time afterward.
For many Americans, Thanksgiving through New Year’s brings joy, and a lot of family stress. Old roles reappear, sleep gets short and expectations run high.
Before you go
- Set realistic expectations. Your family probably won’t be different this year. Plan for who they are.
- Decide your time limits: arrive at 2, leave by 6.
- Pick off-limit topics and a polite redirect line.
- Plan your exit: your own car, a friend to call, a reason to leave.
- Line up support: a text buddy for real-time check-ins.
During
- Take breaks: a walk, a bathroom break, step outside.
- Use redirect lines: “Let’s not get into that today. How’s your garden?”
- Notice old roles: are you becoming the fixer or the peacekeeper?
- Limit alcohol if it fuels conflict.
- Ground yourself if you feel triggered. See grounding techniques.
After
- Schedule a quiet day to recover
- Debrief with someone supportive
- Notice what went better than expected
If you’re alone
Holidays can be painful if you’re estranged, grieving or far from family. Plan small rituals, connect with friends or community events, and be gentle with yourself.
Questions people ask
Is it okay to skip family holidays?
Yes. Some people choose to skip or limit gatherings for their well-being. You can still send a kind message if you wish.
Written by Mara EllisonWriter behind Therapist Words and author of two self-help books. Not a licensed therapist; content is checked against professional sources. About · Editorial policy
This article is for education, not therapy or medical advice. Read our disclaimer. In crisis? Call or text 988.
