How to Stop Overthinking: 9 Strategies That Actually Help
Why overthinking happens, the difference between rumination and problem-solving, and practical strategies to get out of your head.
Social Anxiety: Signs, Causes and Small Steps That Help
What social anxiety is, how it differs from shyness, the safety behaviors that keep it going, and practical steps toward feeling more at ease.
By Mara Ellison··3 min read
Photo: The Ridge Ohio on Unsplash
The short version
- Social anxiety is intense fear of being judged, embarrassed or rejected in social situations.
- Safety behaviors (rehearsing, avoiding eye contact, staying quiet) keep it going.
- Gradual practice and CBT help most people significantly.
Everyone feels nervous sometimes before a party or presentation. Social anxiety is more intense: a persistent fear of being judged that leads you to avoid situations or endure them with dread.
Signs
- Dreading social events days or weeks in advance
- Fear of blushing, shaking or saying something stupid
- Replaying conversations afterward, looking for mistakes
- Avoiding phone calls, meetings or eating in front of others
- Feeling like everyone is watching you
Shyness vs. social anxiety
Shyness is a temperament. Social anxiety is when fear of judgment causes significant distress or gets in the way of work, school or relationships. Social anxiety disorder is one of the most common anxiety disorders in the US.
Safety behaviors that backfire
- Rehearsing everything you’ll say
- Staying on your phone at events
- Avoiding eye contact
- Drinking to feel relaxed
- Leaving early
These lower anxiety in the moment but stop you from learning that you can handle social situations, and they can make you seem less engaged, which feeds the fear.
Small steps
- Shift attention outward: focus on the other person and the conversation, not on monitoring yourself.
- Drop one safety behavior at a time.
- Practice small exposures: ask a store employee a question, make a short call.
- Challenge mind reading: “What evidence do I have that they think I’m awkward?”
- Skip the post-event autopsy. Note one thing that went fine.
CBT, including exposure, is the best-studied treatment. Medication can also help.
Questions people ask
Can social anxiety go away on its own?
It can improve, but it often persists without treatment. CBT is highly effective for many people.
Written by Mara EllisonWriter behind Therapist Words and author of two self-help books. Not a licensed therapist; content is checked against professional sources. About · Editorial policy
Sources and further reading
This article is for education, not therapy or medical advice. Read our disclaimer. In crisis? Call or text 988.
